Here’s a message from me to you this festive period to give you an important reminder:

❤ You are loved

❤ You are worthy

❤ You are appreciated

Even when you don’t think you are any of those things, you are.

Learning to build a solid foundation within ourselves that is anchored in knowing these truths is, for so many of us, one of the hardest things we do in life. And this time of year – amongst the fun and festivities - can bring forth old family wounds, grief, loneliness, difficult relationships and exhaustion that make it even harder to stay grounded.

So here are 3 tools for you to use over the Xmas period to manage stress, alcohol, family stuff or anything else that can impact on your sense of self:

 

1. Remember the HALT acronym – HUNGRY, ANGRY, LONELY, TIRED? It’s a super useful tool over this period (see more below) and for life in general.

2. Here’s a blog I wrote on my 10 top tips to surviving a family Christmas alcohol-free which applies to most things when it comes to family Christmases, not just booze.

3. A client sent me this absolutely brilliant podcast with lots of helpful tips by The Imperfects ‘Merry Not-Enoughness’, which covers how to manage difficult families, grief, loneliness, loss, should, comparison-it is etc.

 

So, back to HALT – here’s what to do:

If you find yourself feeling triggered or moving into self-sabotaging behaviours that you’re trying to change, ask yourself whether you might actually be hungry, angry, lonely or tired (I’d add thirst in there as well).

If the answer is ‘yes’, pause and ask yourself, ‘what do I actually need right now?’ 

 This a great tool because:

• It brings things back to us checking in with ourselves (instead of projecting onto someone or something else),

• it gives us time to think (to respond and not react in the heat of things), and

• it gives us the opportunity to find another way of meeting our needs rather than turning to ways that we know don’t work for us longer term.

Whether that’s getting into an argument with a family member, drinking or eating more than we wanted, snapping at our kids or our partner, sending an email or a text that we regret.

Sounds super simple and obvious, right? But you’d be surprised how frequently one of these is sitting underneath the surface.

 

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I know I get hangry, for example, if I’ve forgotten to eat something substantial for lunch due to a hectic day. If then presented with someone who pushes my buttons, it’s easy to escalate a situation that’s actually entirely manageable into somewhere I’d rather it didn’t go - and might later regret.

Once I’ve met the real need – hunger - it’s highly likely that (a) either my irritation will subside because it was never really about the other person or (b) I’ll be better equipped to manage myself in that interaction because I’m now coming from a more stable base and my physiology is more grounded.

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So, here’s what do. First, notice if any of these are going on for you.

So many things come to down the fundamentals – sleeping, eating, thirst, movement, connection.

 (Note: this isn’t about making yourself small for others, having no boundaries or never speaking your truth. It IS about you showing up in the world as the version of yourself that aligns with your values, consistently acts in your own best interests by not self-sabotaging and builds a sense of self-mastery that leads to growing self-esteem, maintaining motivation and self-care in the true sense of the word).

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 Finally, 2023 and the preceding years have been tough going for so many of us.

Give yourself permission to really replenish yourself over this break where you can. We must carve this out for ourselves as no one is going to ‘give it’ to us, and our lives are often so busy with many competing demands.

 Let’s prioritise ourselves amidst all the other priorities so we enter 2024 with a full tank.

 I hope whatever the festive period looks like for you, you can gift yourself some nurture, replenishment and self-compassion for your imperfect humanness. You’re doing the best you can ❤

 With love from me to you,

Faye xxx