When I stopped drinking in 2017, it wasn’t because I wanted to.
It was because it just wasn’t working anymore …
At 44 I’d had a lifetime of using booze to quell my anxiety, to manage stress, to fuel my social life and to stop me facing myself and my buried pain and trauma from a dysfunctional and chaotic past.
I’d had many, many largely unsuccessful attempts to moderate or stop during this time.
Through all this I’d been:
a single parent to small children in a country where I barely knew a soul and had no support network
a high-flier in corporate life, juggling long hours and huge levels of stress in a work hard/play hard environment
in unhealthy relationships that were controlling, abusive or neglectful, which had left me experiencing night terrors and flashbacks for years.
The common thread throughout all of this was booze.
It was what I used to cope and switch off. It was ‘fun’!
It was the salve to everything - or so I thought.
My debilitating anxiety, my chronically low self-esteem, my complete lack of boundaries, my avoidance of dealing with the reality of my life which I felt powerless to change.
So the thought of giving up was terrifying to say the least.
How would I manage without it? Who on earth was I without it? Would people still like me?
I knew one thing for sure: continuing the way I was going to get worse.
I’d finally reached the point where the pain of staying the same had become greater than the pain of change.
And with that came a growing acceptance (and sometimes reluctance) that moderation was just not going to be an option for me. Lawd knows I’d tested the hypothesis enough over the last few decades!
That’s when I decided to throw everything at it, try a different approach and I haven’t had a drink since.
And here’s the thing … it changed my life completely.
All the things I had been looking for years I found when I stopped drinking.
It was ironic; I had resisted it for so long believing I’d be missing out.
I honestly had no idea of the incredible amount I would gain.
I lost 9 kgs in 7 months without really trying.
With my two girls and furry baby, Nala.
Graduating psych - finally! 10 long yrs.
Winning a Toastmasters contest - after a lifelong debilitating terror of public speaking!
As well as the more obvious things we hear about like weight loss, better health, mental health and finances there were much deeper and life-changing benefits.
Things I’d simply assumed were never going to be in the picture for me.
Slowly slowly and somewhat astonishingly, I was steadily learning to like and believe in myself. For years I’d found concepts like self-love utterly bewildering: ‘but how on earth do you even begin to do that?’ Now it was actually happening.
I was actually living my values, honouring myself and having my own back instead of constantly self-sabotaging. I was gradually learning to trust myself.
I was able to start feeling glimpses of joy in day-to-day life, in the simple things. Small glimmers. A contentment that had eluded me.
Relationships with my children and the people closest to me improved. As I grew to respect myself, they did too. They could rely on me now, and became my biggest supporters.
I started smashing my comfort zone, realising it was no longer serving me, and releasing the things that had been holding me back.
Trying not to appear completely wasted on holiday
The missing piece: my ADHD diagnosis
At 48, nearly five years into sobriety, I was diagnosed with moderate to severe ADHD combined type —and suddenly my entire life made sense.
All those years I thought I was just broken, chaotic, lazy, stupid, always in chaos? It was undiagnosed ADHD.
What I learnt not just about ADHD itself but the connection with problematic alcohol use blew my mind.
ADHD brains don't produce enough dopamine, so we seek it through alcohol, drugs, sugar—anything that quiets the noise.
The research showed that rates of many addictive behaviours was sky-high in ADHDers compared to the general population.
While the stats made for shocking reading, they also made perfect sense when I looked back …
“I’d always distinctly remembered the first time I got really drunk at about 12 or 13.
The alcohol switched my head off. I got a break from the swirling thoughts, the anxiety, the negative self talk.
The relief was immense. The sense of peace, at last.
And that was it; I’d found the solution.
My ‘love affair’ with alcohol had begun.”
I realised, retrospectively, that I'd been struggling with things that seemed easy for everyone else—meal planning, staying organised, managing daily tasks - for decades.
Everything felt like wading through mud, falling behind, overwhelmed constantly.
Getting my diagnosis brought huge relief, but it was mixed with a complex array of emotions including anger, grief and confusion, which lasted much longer than I expected - many, many months.
It also showed me why so many people struggle with drinking and don't realise ADHD is underneath it all.
It allowed for much more self compassion, for not only my own struggles, but those within my family also who I now realised were likely to be neurodivergent as well, which had had a profound impact on me.
Celebrating my 50th birthday in London with my sis. Both AF! She’s now 2 years off the sauce herself.
And that's why I'm so passionate about supporting people in this space.
Because when we understand what's really going on, we can finally stop fighting ourselves and start building a life that actually works for how our brains function.
It eluded me for so many years, and it pains me for you to waste all that precious life stuck in this same cycle.
You really do deserve better.
This sh*t isn’t easy, my friend. But it’s so worth it.
My training and qualifications
Bachelor of Social Science (Psychology)
Post Graduate Diploma (Counselling)
ADHD Coach Training (ADDCA USA)
Certified Grey Area Drinking Coach - personally trained by Jolene Park (to learn more about grey area drinking)
Lifeline suicide prevention training (ASIST)
SMART Recovery Facilitator training
Trauma-informed care for AOD Practice, Relapse Prevention & Management, Expanding Coping Skills - Insight
Memberships & other:
Registered counsellor - Australian Counselling Association
SMART Recovery Australia Board Member
I founded Untoxicated in 2018, a volunteer-run peer support charity, personally supporting hundreds of people to change their relationship with alcohol
Intergenerational lived experience
Therapeutic approach and modalities
I use a neuro-biopsychosocial, trauma-informed and neuro-affirming approach integrating techniques from the following modalities:
Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) | Motivational Interviewing | Solution-Focused Therapy | Psychodynamic Therapy | Positive Psychology (Strengths-based) | CBT | Polyvagal Theory | Transtheoretical Model of Behaviour Change | Neuroscience