10 top tips to surviving a family Christmas alcohol-free
Ladies and gents, the silly season is almost upon us! And it’s all eat, drink and be merry, right???
Except the reality is for many of us that it can be super stressful, with boozy parties and work dos to get through, and all the Christmas shopping and festivities that we’re not feeling the love for.
But, the peak of ALL challenges for a lot of us is the family Christmas - and that’s without considering doing it sober.
Feeling duty bound to spend lots of time with relatives that - if we are honest with ourselves - we might really rather not.
Partaking in celebrations and traditions that might not be well aligned with our intention to stay alcohol-free this year, and family dynamics and spats that can test our tolerance levels to the max.
It’s not all bad of course - and even if you have a great relationship with your fam - it’s no wonder that so many find the silly season a difficult time to stick to well intentioned plans to cut back or stay off the booze; the association is so incredibly strong.
I remember embarking upon my first Xmas without alcohol back in 2017. I was fairly newly sober, about 6 weeks, and hosting family at my place as my mother was visiting from overseas.
I’m not going to lie, I was really worried about how I’d get through it all - particularly with others drinking around me. Xmas had always been synonymous with alcohol - from waking onwards - and that’s the only way I’d ever done it. I wasn’t used to hosting but I’d already committed. It was very daunting to contemplate the festive period, let alone Christmas Day itself, without it. I was still feeling my way about what I was ok with. But I did it, I survived and I am so thankful that I put in the hard yards in those early days.
This year is my 6th sober Xmas and I have zero concern that I will drink, so I’m sharing what I know has worked for me and others to navigate the day itself.
Read on, friends, and please know a sober Xmas absolutely IS possible!
Cheers! Appletiser - and no one would know.
Set a rock solid intention - Tell yourself you’re doing it this year and that’s that. It’s a non-negotiable. Remain curious about what it is like to experience Christmas in a different way this year. Remind yourself, it’s one day at a time - and Christmas Day is only one day. A mere 24 hours. You can do this.
Set boundaries – if you’re entertaining at your place, you can decide it’s an AF Xmas this year. (Your place, your call. But do make sure you give people lots of fair warning on this one).
Alternatively, tell guests you’re not drinking and ask them to bring their own booze and take it with them. If it’s not at your home, set the scene and let people know in advance you won’t be drinking (if you’re comfortable to do that) or that you’re planning to head off at a certain time.
And, if you just can’t face doing a sober family Christmas this year, then don’t. Do something altogether different - go out to lunch in a smaller group, have a picnic at the beach or the park. Or if you haven’t got kids at home why not cancel it this year and have a movie marathon at home instead in the aircon, or spend it around the pool? People might be disappointed or they might not understand, but ask yourself whether that’s worse than the feeling of letting yourself down, being mired in shame and with yet another hangover? It might seem drastic, but if you’ve been trying to go AF for a while, sometimes it takes drastic measures until we build our sober muscle.
Expect some discomfort - in most new things we do, we experience discomfort. Remember that first date? Learning to drive? Starting a new job? Leaving home? This is the same. If you’re usually the one swinging from the chandeliers on Xmas Day, it will take time for something different to become second nature. That’s part of the process. It’s normal and might feel uncomfortable, but it will pass.
👉 Think about it: nothing worth having ever comes easy. 💪
Have a plan! - think about in advance:
🎯 What will you drink?
Whether it’s alcohol-free wine/beer/spirits, a virgin cocktail or some beautiful teas from T2, make sure it feels celebratory and like a treat. Check out The Mindful Mocktail for some inspiration!
🎯 How will you toast?
AF champagne, Appletiser, sparkling water with lime, nitrogen-infused teas, kombucha?
🎯 What will you say if someone asks why you’re not drinking?
You don’t owe anyone an explanation, it’s up to you. But think ahead as to what you will say if someone asks, or if someone applies pressure. Humour can often be a great antedote to any tension.
People might not even notice you’re not drinking (particularly if you bring/pour your own, or you’re using a stubby cooler).
🎯 What will you do if you start to feel wobbly or triggered or feeling FOMO?
This one is super important. If you have a partner discuss how you’ll handle this. A code word, a time limit, you’ll drive so you can leave when you want. Even if you don’t do any of these things it’s reassuring to know you’ve thought it through. You feel more solid.
Other options for you could include: having a friend to call, online sober communities, Hello Sunday Morning’s daybreak app, using any of the free resources/helplines here. Take yourself off to the bathroom for 10 and post about how you’re feeling, or settle your nervous system with some deep breathing.
Use your sober toolbox and strategies. I remember I went to an AA meeting on Xmas Day evening after the guests had gone. While AA was not really my thing, I didn’t care, I just needed to be around people who understood! I was determined to protect my sobriety at all costs this time round, so that it finally stuck.
My first sober Xmas, 2017 (me on right)
5. Reward yourself – whether it’s the next morning or when you get home, plan a reward for yourself. Will it be an early morning trip to the beach? Or hitting the sales before it gets crowded with the money you’ve saved on your usual fancy bottle/s of champagne? Will it be a hangover-free snuggle in bed with the kids? Or devouring your favourite dessert or movie when you get home?
Make sure you celebrate your wins, no matter how small!
6. Avoid family spats – Especially if people have been drinking. It’s futile. If Uncle Roland starts making his usual politically incorrect jokes, excuse yourself from the table. If your Cousin Mary starts banging on about the kids of today while staring in the direction of your rowdy rabble, breathe. Remember, pause pause and pause again, before you react. You don’t have to be a pushover, you can bring it up at a later date if you need to. But now is not the day for your nervous system to be shot to pieces because of family discord, because that’s likely to end one way. Alcohol.
7. Remember your ‘why’ – there’s a reason you’re doing this …. what is it? Maybe you want to be a better version of yourself, you want to break generational cycles of alcohol dependence, you want to set a great example for your kids, you want to be fit and healthy, for your mental health. There’s a whole raft of reasons.
Set an hourly reminder on your phone with your why, so it’s front and centre. Picture what you will feel like having accomplished this post Christmas. Trust me, you are going to feel amazing for your strength!!!
8.Take time out - it’s ok to take space for yourself if you need it; whether that’s stepping out for a walk around the block, taking refuge in the bedroom for a 10 minute lie down, or simply doing some deep breathing exercises to steady yourself (a count of 4 in, a count of 8 out is a failsafe). If things start getting quite drunkenly messy, it’s ok to consider heading off. Use an excuse if you have to.
9. Play it forward – If you’re feeling like a drink, be honest with yourself: what will happen if you have one or two? Are you the sort of person who’s ever been happy stopping at one or two? What will be different now? What has happened in previous Christmases when you’ve tried to limit your drinking? What’s the likely outcome if you drink and what does that look like in a few hours time? That evening? The next morning?
10. Enjoy yourself! - Xmas might be different with alcohol out of the picture but that doesn’t mean you can’t still enjoy yourself. Think of ways you can reimagine your traditions and rituals by adding non-booze related fun. Maybe some board games or karaoke? Maybe interacting with the kids and their new toys or playing with the family pets? Maybe stuffing your face with Christmas chocolates and chatting with the oldies?
Or maybe you’re just enjoying quietly observing your family and chuckling inside at the collective idiosyncracies/lunacy around the table. Whatever works for you.
TLDR; Make sure you’re prepared, don’t feel you have to prove anything to anyone but yourself, and remember - it’s only one day. Focus on what you can control and pause the rest.
Navigating your first few Christmasses sober is a big deal and you deserve a ginormous pat on the back, you absolute legend you.
One day you will look back on all this and be so proud of yourself, and how far you’ve come. Why not make that Boxing Day this year?
If you’re having a pre-Christmas wobble, or looking for some laser-focussed strategies specific to you and your situation over the holidays, single coaching sessions are now available.
Have a wonderful Christmas and New Year! xxx
