Lessons learnt from my first sober overseas holiday …
Navigating a booze-free month in UK/Europe!
Living life without alcohol is full of firsts. They come thick and fast in the beginning days, weeks and months. What will that first meal out without alcohol be like? The first social gathering? The first date? The first tough conversation? We are constantly leaning into the unknown when we navigate life sans booze.
But once you’ve got a number of years under your belt, you’ve pretty much done it all right? Wrong! I recently took my first sober overseas trip - UK/Europe for a month- since I stopped drinking in 2017 and found myself facing the unknowns again. How on earth to handle a long-haul flight without alcohol? What would replace the cocktails at the beach bar? How about those catch ups with friends and family I always drank loads with? Would it be weird or boring or awkward now? What about the various birthday celebrations (including mine, a big birthday)?
Like many of us, travel has historically been a huge trigger for me. Previous trips to the UK to see my family and friends have always been incredibly booze-laden affairs. I’d often get tipsy on the plane and then get straight on it when I arrived overseas! This was going to be a very different proposition.
👉 So, here’s what I learnt from a month travelling around UK and Europe:
Alcohol is everywhere!
You already know this, right, but it’s rammed in your face everywhere you go. From the moment you arrive at the airport to catch the departure flight. In a lot of places in Europe and UK you can buy booze at places you can’t in Australia too, like the local shop and convenience stores. So, it’s in your face constantly. I can’t think of one environment I was in where it wasn’t. Even some of the Air B&Bs had complimentary booze in the fridge.
You will still get pangs occasionally.
For the most part I barely thought about booze, but there were definitely a few times it popped into my consciousness, much more frequently than it would back in Australia. Walking through London on a warm, sunlit Friday night with everyone spilling out onto the pavements with beers and wines, socialising with friends at a BBQ, cruising on a boat in Croatia on my birthday where everyone was drinking mojitos, my birthday celebrations with family and friends. There were definitely times when the thought of what this occasion would be like with alcohol crept in, but never a time when I felt like I'd actually be tempted.
It's still a great reminder for me though that no matter how many years of alcohol-free life you have, thoughts of alcohol will pop in from time to time, and often out of the blue. I don’t ‘fight’ these as I find it gives them more power. I just accept them, knowing it’s ok to miss something sometimes that you know is not good for you (bad relationships, junk food, smoking, party friends etc).
You fully immerse yourself in the experience.
As I went to a number of beautiful countries and locations, my senses were on high alert. The sights, the sounds, the smells. I wasn’t wasting days hungover or feeling sub-par and miss half of it, like I had done every other time (although I did rest when I needed to and didn’t cram every single day with activity). I was present and in awe of the history and natural beauty around me.
The flipside was that I found crowds way too much, a bombardment on my senses, and I really don’t enjoy being in super noisy environments. If you’ve ever been to Europe in peak time, you’ll know what I'm talking about. It's hectic! And despite being an extrovert, a lot of socialising can be tiring too.
Socialising with friends and family is different and that’s ok.
My sis and I at my 50th, on the AF proseco
Gone were the raucous nights out and the drunken karaoke in the back garden til 3am, and instead were the deeper chats and just really relishing time with people you love even if it was doing nothing earth shattering. Day trips out instead of long, boozy lunches; playing board games, looking at old photos, spending time talking and connecting, sightseeing, escape rooms, Sunday roasts and trips to the sea side.
People might also surprise you! I noticed that people in my life had either cut back on their own drinking or they chose to not drink a great deal around me, which was thoughtful, even at get togethers. For my birthday event with family and friends which was in a private dining room in Covent Garden London, my sister had thoughtfully pre-ordered some AF prosecco and had that with me for the toasts (pic above).
It still felt a bit surreal at times on the trip, to not be drinking in instances where I always would have, but I relaxed into enjoying ‘what is’ instead. Accepting any discomfort that might arise, and really appreciating the opportunity to be ‘here and now’ and what was here in front of me. (I know this sounds all Eckhart Tolle, trust me, it was a surprise to me too!).
Alcohol-free cocktails and beers were nice to drink on occasion.
… but you rarely go past one or two! I did really enjoy an AF mojito at the beach or an AF beer from time to time, but a couple are enough. Kinda ironic that I can ‘moderate’ at last!
However, I was pleased to see that no matter where we went there seemed to be a range of AF drinks available on their menus, or they were happy to make you something. Some people find AF drinks very triggering so do exercise some caution if this is you. I didn’t have any for the first 18 months of sobriety for this reason and have since only had them rarely but it did feel like more a 'treat' when having meals out.
Long-haul flights are easier (and less scary).
As someone who has never loved flying (because psychologically the thought that there’s nothing underneath me freaks me out) I always used to get tipsy on the plane. And I assumed most other people did too. Turns out they don’t, actually. If they drink they seem to stop at one or two with the meal and that’s it. I used to stay up drinking G&T after G&T to take the edge off my nerves and to reduce the boredom of long haul flights.
Unsurprisingly I was able to bounce back better after the flights this time, my skin didn’t suffer as much, I wasn’t as dehydrated and it was less dreadful all round than when I was necking champagne from the moment I arrived at the airport.
Admittedly the flight we took from London to Cyprus with a load of drunk passengers was one of the least enjoyable points of the trip, it has to be said (whereas I probably would have thought it was funny before). And I still had moments where I felt anxious about flying, and the old thoughts would creep in, but I was able to self soothe and reassure my anxious brain.
👉 THE KEY TAKE OUT: Sobriety brings so much self-mastery and emotional maturity - in time.
Life doesn’t become easy all of a sudden when you stop drinking. Your problems don’t go away. Difficult relationships, annoyances, struggles, money worries, hard things, challenging feelings – they’re all still there. If anything, it can feel harder in that first year/s in some ways because you are faced with yourself. You have to be with yourself and your feelings. That, for most of us, is the hardest part. We can no longer avoid things like we could before. BUT that facing of yourself and the leaning into the discomfort is the key to self-mastery.
This trip made me realise how much I have grown in the past 6 years. I was much better able to distance myself from my emotional triggers, I was able to respond and not react, I didn't get drawn into things that weren't 'my circus', I am able to accept things as they are instead of fighting against them because of what ‘should be’ (and this is highlighted pretty heavily when you’re travelling with family and also experiencing delays and a lot of annoyances). For the most part anyway, I still lost it at least once while I was away as I’m definitely not at zen master status just yet!
But - all those things you’ve probably been looking for forever such as reducing people pleasing, getting better with boundaries, treating yourself with better care and respect – yep, sobriety is where I found them.
And please know this:
The ‘high’ you get from doing things you thought you couldn’t do, the growth you experience from uncovering parts of yourself you didn’t know were there and shedding your prior self-limitations, beats the ‘high’ from drinking and partying any day of the week.
This is something that I could not and would not have believed when I was drinking. I would have thought that someone was trying to ‘sell’ me something that wasn’t true because they had to convince themselves that sobriety was better because couldn't drink. But it’s been something that has been such a huge part of my sobriety.
Sobriety is not a white knuckling, ‘I’m hating this everyone is having a better time than me, I wish I could just drink’ experience.
Ok, admittedly, in the beginning it can be a bit like that while you’re navigating a new life and learning and stumbling and it’s hard and scary and big and you’re finding new data for your brain that this is something you can actually do. But, over time, the shift in yourself is nothing short of mind blowing, freeing and a source of amazement.
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So there you have it, my take aways from my first trip overseas, and hand on heart I can easily say it’s the best trip I have ever experienced.
I gained so much from this trip in terms of enjoyment of the locations and my relationships, clarity and perspective on my life and simply the unbridled joy of seeing new people, places and things.
Was this trip perfect? Not at all. Life still happened. Relationship stuff, family stuff, long delays, lost baggage etc. I just could navigate it so much better - and on life’s terms.
If you’re considering a life without alcohol, just know that all of this is totally possible for you. You may be thinking it isn’t, or maybe even that it sounds boring. That’s ok, that’s where my head was at too before I took this path. Now, even if you offered me the opportunity to magically be able to drink moderately, I would not change it.
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Faye xx
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