Are you letting other people’s opinions hold you back?
Often clients tell me that one of the biggest hurdles for them when they're changing their drinking habits is what other people will think or say. And I totally get it. It used to terrify me too.
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Would they think I was boring? That I had a problem with alcohol? (which I did). Would they still want to be friends with me? Would I belong anymore? Would people still invite me?
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Would they think I was a weirdo? (guilty 😂). Would they pressure and guilt me? Would I be letting people down because I wasn't showing up as 'the entertainment'?
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What others thought of me was more important than what I thought of myself. But they weren't there when I'd wake up hating myself full of self loathing and shame and regret after a boozy night out. Or the guilt I would feel at the times my children were exposed to my drunken behaviour. Or the hangxiety.
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It seems ridiculous now, but ultimately what people thought of me was more important than my health, my mental health, my feeling out of integrity, my other relationships, my finances, the list goes on.
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It's understandable. We are hard wired for connection with others. It's evolutionary, part of why we've survived as a species for so long. Anything that threatens our social fabric, connections and sense of belonging is terrifying to us.
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Science tells us that the emotional pain of exclusion registers the same to our bodies as actual physical pain. It's real. So let's show ourselves some grace here.
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When realise that we have been willing to sacrifice ourselves on the altar of what other people think we realise it's quite ludicrous. We're willing to continue engaging in habits or behaviours that are not serving us - and often actively harming us - to keep other people happy.
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Changing your drinking habits will lead you on a path of starting to unpack the people pleasing behaviours that are so ingrained for so many of us.
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You'll choose you. Finally. 🌟
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To find out more about Grey Area Drinking coaching: https://www.fayelawrence.com.au/coaching
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