Reflections from seven years alcohol-free!

Every time another soberversary rolls around it feels SO surreal because in the beginning even a few weeks seemed inconceivable.

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Here’s some of what I’ve learnt along the way:

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🐦‍🔥 Not drinking is a hell of a lot easier than the constant wrangling with myself to attempt to control my drinking/moderate.

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🐦‍🔥 Getting and staying sober is initially hard and gets easier. Continuing trying to control your drinking and being unable to is hard and gets harder. Sometimes there is no ‘easy’ option. Which option you choose is up to you.

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🐦‍🔥 Liking myself outweighs any ‘high’ of drinking and the negative consequences that came with it for me (e.g. self-loathing, guilt, shame, remorse) hands down, any day of the week.

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🐦‍🔥 People worry so much about what others will think. It’s ok to live a life other people don’t understand, even those closest to you. They don’t have to. It’ll be ok, honestly.

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🐦‍🔥 There’s a voice inside of you that knows. You may have lost trust in it, in yourself, but if it keeps whispering to you it’s worth a listen. It’s trying to tell you something.

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🐦‍🔥 People know what’s right for them. Lots of people can enjoy a tipple without it being a problem. I just wasn’t one of them.

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🐦‍🔥 Giving up booze is usually just the beginning. Being sober doesn’t solve everything, unfortunately! Alcohol misuse is the attempt at a solution, not the core problem (for most of us). You’ll need therapy or some kind of support, folks.

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🐦‍🔥 Your brain is a wonderful thing. It can change. Associations can and will weaken. Friday nights and weekends sans alcohol become second nature, but it takes time. I drank solidly for decades and now I rarely think about it.

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🐦‍🔥 If you keep on doing what you’ve always done, you’re going to keep on getting what you’ve always got. We can keep on blaming ourselves, our stress levels, our jobs, our families, our social circle, our trauma etc – and all these are often totally valid - but does it lead to action?

I waited years for someone to save me from myself until I really realised it was up to me.

🐦‍🔥 We are all addicted to something in one form or another. Whether it’s work, food, tech, religi@n, gambling, s@x, shopping and on (particularly if we have ADHD). Some of these are more acceptable than others, even encouraged. When you put down one, another one might pop up.

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🐦‍🔥 Relationships will improve. Some will be lost, some will evolve, you’ll find new peeps, but relationships will be for the ‘right reasons’. As in, they’ll actually like you for you, not because you kick on together. You’ll get clarity on this fairly quickly.

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🐦‍🔥 You need at least a few people in your life who are on the same path. You cannot be what you cannot see. Whether it’s a support group, an online group or some new friends who don’t drink, you need others. It’s tough to go it alone.

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🐦‍🔥 Shame keeps you small and stuck. It thrives and grows in darkness and secrecy. When you share some of the most shameful things about yourself with other people (like your drinking if you’ve been keeping it hidden) it reduces its power. It liberates you. It frees you. Try it. It will change your life.

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🐦‍🔥 If you do decide you want to stop drinking you will likely need to dedicate as much time, effort and energy to that as you have done in trying to control it, particularly in the beginning. Think about how much headspace this is currently taking, then redirect these energies towards cultivating new behaviours and habits.

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🐦‍🔥 Focus on the new, envisage what might lay ahead for you. It’s important to cultivate something to move towards, not just focus on moving away from something.

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🐦‍🔥 Life really is about the simple pleasures. Lying in the park reading, going on long walks, days at the beach, laughs with friends, hugs with your children, connection with your family. Taking booze out of the equation allows you really be present and enjoy every last drop.

You are capable of much more than you realise,

you really are. We all are.

🐦‍🔥 Don’t wait. Tomorrow is not promised to any of us, and you may never feel ready. Whether it’s changing a behaviour, going back to study, running a marathon, having a hard conversation, trying a new hobby. Confidence comes AFTER you’ve done the ‘hard thing’, not before.

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So, get out of your comfort zone and go do what you’re scared of!