You don't have to be the ‘A word’ to need help
Here's a conversation I frequently have with clients:
“I'm not like an alcoholic though. I'm not drinking in the morning or anything. I just drink more than I want to, more often than I want to.
But the thing is that I can’t seem to stop at one or two once I start. And then I wake up and beat myself up because I’ve done it again.”
And then: “But it’s only xx times per week/drinks a day/a monthly blowout… is that even enough of an issue to actually get help for?”
Yes. Absolutely yes. And I’ll tell you why.
GREY AREA DRINKING CAN BE CONFUSING AS ALL GET OUT
Grey area drinking is like the proverbial wolf in sheep’s clothing. It sits right in the middle.
You're not the person drinking vodka at 8am. You're not losing your job or your marriage (at least not yet). But you're also not drinking in a way that feels good or sustainable - or like you have a choice.
You're drinking 3-5 nights a week. Maybe less, maybe more. You can't do “just one”. You feel guilty about drinking, even though others around you might reassure you you’re overthinking it.
You may even be hiding it from people - just a little - perhaps quietly pouring another glass while your partner is out of the room because you don’t want to risk the “raised eyebrow”.
Or waiting impatiently at the pub with an empty glass while others slowly sip their drinks, but you don’t want to go to the bar in case you look like you’ve “got a problem”.
Or feeling like you absolutely need it to get through the evening or the social event. Waking up again with that awful sense of regret.
But you're still functional. Career intact. Relationships intact. You look fine.
So there's this weird space where you're clearly struggling, clearly using alcohol in ways that don't feel good, but you don't fit the boxes of “alcoholic” or “addiction”.
All that flip-flopping between worrying about your alcohol use and then the voice that says ‘you’re no worse than anyone else you know, stop making a big deal about it, go on just have one’ is sooo confusing and utterly exhausting.
YOU WONDER: ‘WELL IF I’M NOT AN ‘ALCOHOLIC’ AM I EVEN ALLOWED TO ASK FOR HELP?’
Yes. Yes, you are.
Your own unhappiness with your drinking is enough. You can just realise it’s no longer working for you, and that’s a valid reason.
In the same way as realising that you’re not really much of a ‘gym’ person and you prefer mountain climbing out in the fresh air.
In the same way that you realise you prefer hanging out with people in small numbers, and you’re not much of a large soiree kinda person.
Or in the same way that you realise you’re not cut out for an office job and you’re much better suited to working out and about.
When we take the self-judgement out of it and work with ‘what is’, it’s just another choice.
What I’ve noticed with the hundreds of grey area drinkers I’ve worked with is that they’re usually high-achievers. Good jobs, high performance, solid reputations. They look perfectly fine on the outside.
But internally? It’s a whole different story. They’re managing a huge amount, they’re masking, they use alcohol to tread water and handle the whole shebang. They’re in a loop where drinking helps them cope but then makes them feel worse physically and mentally, so they drink more to manage the impacts of alcohol, and the cycle continues.
So if you’re waiting for permission here it is: You just want something different. That’s enough.
And it’s much better to do so now, when the patterns aren’t carved as deep. You can pull up stumps before more significant damage is done. And you’re changing because you want to, not because you’re forced to.
The people who change most successfully? They’re the ones who change before they’re desperate. They still have choices. They’re not in crisis. They’re just done with the way things are.
What clients tell me:
“I thought I had to be in a rock bottom situation before I could ask for help.”
“I spent years thinking I wasn’t bad enough because everyone kept telling me I was fine. I didn’t trust myself.”
“Most people in the program don’t identify as alcoholic. I can see now that there’s so many people in the same boat as me, the grey area.”
“I changed because I wanted to, not because I had to.”
That last one matters quite a bit because it puts you in the driver’s seat of your own life. A place where you’re no longer feeling stuck and drinking is not taking up allll that mental real estate.
That’s exactly why I created Breaking the Loop.
It’s a small, intimate group program for people who are ready to understand the interplay between ADHD and alcohol, understand their brain, change their relationship with alcohol and stop waiting until things get worse before asking for support.
Grey area drinking is way more common than most people realise. You’re in very good company.
Click the button below to find out more about Breaking the Loop.
