Ponderings on sobriety, neurodivergence, mental health & wellbeing
Welcome to my blog where I share reflections, hacks, some psychoeducation and tools for you to tap into.
BLOG CATEGORIES
Why I go to therapy
None of us have it all worked out. Not your psychiatrist, your Mum, the inflluencer you follow who talks about mental health. We are ALL fallible humans who need support, guidance, help with our 'stuff'. That includes mental health professionals and those in the helping professions. Therapy gives us a way to process our emotions, our struggles, our challenges and to see things from a different and more helpful perspective. It educates us. It gives us more awareness of who we are. Everyone should do it, frankly.
Lessons learnt from my first sober overseas holiday …
Living life without alcohol is full of firsts. They come thick and fast in the beginning days, weeks and months. What will that first meal out without alcohol be like? The first social gathering? The first date? The first tough conversation? We are constantly leaning into the unknown when we navigate life sans booze.
But there’s nothing as daunting as a month’s trip overseas sober - throw in family, old friends, a big birthday, long haul flights and a heap of different countries and you’ve got triggers galore! So, what did I learn about navigating an overseas holiday alcohol-free?
What is a year of your life worth?
So many of us get caught up in the shoulds and what other people think, caught up in all these weeds of expectations. (I am certainly not immune to this btw). The perfection game - one which will we'll never win.
Then we drink to tolerate the intolerable. Lives that are not our own. Lives that are lived for the approval of others.
We drink to tolerate this disconnect between who we really are and why we're not being that person, stuck in jobs we hate, hanging out with people we really don't like that much, and maybe even in unhappy relationships.
It’s time to stop wasting your life.
Are you letting other people’s opinions hold you back?
Often clients tell me that one of the biggest hurdles for them when they're changing their drinking habits is other people. And I totally get it. It used to terrify me too.
Would they think I was boring? That I had a problem with alcohol? (which I did). Would they still want to be friends with me? Would I belong anymore? Would people still invite me? Would they think I was a weirdo? (guilty 😂). Would they pressure and guilt me? Would I be letting people down because I wasn't showing up as 'the entertainment'?
What others thought of me was more important than what I thought of myself. And it holds you back in your alcohol-free journey.
Why 'progress not perfection' works to support lasting change
One thing I see amongst almost all my clients is that they're extremely hard on themselves; they're perfectionists and their inner critic game is really strong. I very much identify with this too.
They want to achieve allllll the things - stopping drinking (or taking a break), getting fit, overhauling their diet, maybe stopping smoking if that's in the mix, being more organised or productive, improving their relationships, stop working as much - and quite possibly a whole raft of other things.
But, if we want to set ourselves up for success, lets learn from what psychology and behavioural science tells us does work in making changes. A mindset of ‘progress not perfection’ is critical in making and sustaining the changes we want.
I’m sober, so why do I feel sad?
So you’ve given up alcohol but yet you’re feeling sadness or grief? Don’t worry, it’s normal. Here’s why.