Why ‘just having one’ feels impossible with ADHD
If you've ever wondered why your relationship with alcohol feels harder than it seems to be for everyone else, it’s because with ADHD it is.
You’re not imagining it, you’re not making excuses, it is.
I know how much negative self talk we can hold because of this; feeling like something is fundamentally wrong with us.
But now I’ve learned it’s because our spicy brains legitimately function differently - and maybe we didn’t know that before, or we did but didn’t understand what that means for our drinking (or indeed for smoking, gambling, p*rn, shopping, food etc).
Note: this also applies to people who have a high number of adverse childhood experiences/past traumas, as this changes the brain too.
You might be feeling stuck with alcohol right now, and to hear all this sounds a bit disempowering. But it’s the opposite, really.
Knowledge is power and once we know what we’re dealing with and why, we can change our approach accordingly.
So, let’s break it down:
The brakes thing
ADHD comes with impulsivity, most of us know that.
Often as we get older this gets a little less ‘let’s move to Mexico next week!’. But it does still mean that our response inhibition - the neurological mechanism that operates like a well meaning but annoying parent - the bit that says ‘okay, that's enough’, is still harder to access.
It’s there, but it’s not as reliable. So stopping at one or two might work sometimes. And other times, the brakes aren’t working properly. It’s brain wiring. And shaming yourself about it has never once fixed a brain wiring problem.
The emotional piece
ADHD also comes with intense, fast-moving and I-feel-everything-all-at-once type of emotions (OMG the emotions).
Rejection sensitivity. Anxiety that hums along in the background. A nervous system that rarely fully settles. Hypervigilance.
And alcohol sedates. It numbs all of that quickly. Of courseit becomes a go-to. It’s been doing a job that your brain and body desperately needs.
The cruel loop
Now this is the really sh*tty bit.
Alcohol actually worsens the exact things ADHD already makes difficut - attention, planning, impulse control, remembering where you left your phone.
So you drink to manage the dysregulation, and the drinking creates more dysregulation. Which, of course, makes you want to drink again.
ALCOHOL OFFERS US SOMETHING WITH ONE HAND, AND THEN TAKES IT AWAY WITH THE OTHER - BUT WITH A HEFTY DOLLOP OF INTEREST ADDED ON TOP.
The brain bit
ADHD brains are reward-seeking, boredom-intolerant, and sensation-hungry. Alcohol hits the dopamine system fast. Which is why moderation advice that works fine for neurotypical people can feel genuinely laughable when you're sitting with an ADHD brain that is absolutely certain one more is a great idea.
A brain that, frankly, doesn’t give a sh*t about tomorrow in that moment.
And the shame spiral that follows - the next-day forensic dissection of everything you said and did - makes everything harder, not easier. Ugh, I remember it so mortifyingly well.
Shame is not a behaviour change strategy. It never has been. For me it used to lead me to feel even worse about myself and what did I use to feel better temporarily? You got it ….
I know, it can feel a bit unfair. After all, we didn’t ask for these brains, we’re just trying to manage in the way we know how.
And now for the good news (phew!)
Understanding all this often leads us to a bit more self compassion and curiosity; a massive ‘ace up our sleeves’ when it comes to actually making and sustaining behaviour change.
Our inner rebel and out-of-the-box thinking are also huge assets on this journey, when we harness them. We can actually use some of our ADHD traits in our favour here!
This is exactly what we work through in Breaking the Loop my 8-week small group program for ADHDers who are ready to understand what's really driving their drinking, to make changes and all without white-knuckling their way through.
🐿️ Our first live session is on Tuesday 31st March.
Spots are limited to keep the group small enough to actually work, and so everyone gets air time.
📌If you’re tired of trying in ways that don’t work, check out:https://fayelawrence.com.au/loop
