This is about identity shift, not just behaviour change

Often the hardest part about making changes with alcohol isn't the drinking itself (although that has its moments, let’s be real).

It can be the identity shift. Because if you've been using alcohol to do life for 5, 10, 15, 20 years, a certain version of "you" has formed around that.

You're the person who needs a drink to unwind. You're the person who is the life and soul of the party, the entertainer. You’re the person who loves food and wine matching. (I was all of these!)

That identity has become real. It's not just what you believe about yourself, it's the story you live out. It's in the choices you make. It's the assumptions you start from. It’s who people expect you to be.

So when you start making changes in your relationship with alcohol you're not just changing behaviour. You're reorganising your entire sense of who you are.

This is the piece that usually surprises people A LOT.

Because they come in thinking they change the alcohol use and everything else stays the same as before, just without alcohol. But that's not what happens.

THE SURPRISING ALTERNATIVE

What actually happens is you start becoming a different version of yourself. For some that might be exciting and for others it can feel quite discombobuating. Usually it’s a mix of both at the same time.

So the version of you without alcohol might be:

• More present

• Less reactive

• More regulated

• More capable

• Better rested and with more clarity

But a lot of people expect relief, transformation, all the positive things.

When they also get the “Wait, what? Who the hell am I without this?”. That’s the bit they might not be prepared for, and it can feel a bit scary as you work it out.

It’s important to know that identity integration is a real and necessary part of the transition to a life without (or less) alcohol. (We cover this in Breaking the Loop my 10 week group program). This piece tends to be missing and the research shows it’s a necessary part of successfully making and sustaining behaviour change (both your identity as an individual, and as part of a group - your social identity).

That’s because in all likelihood you are not going back to exactly who you were before the drinking started. The version of you without alcohol is often someone who now:

• Makes different choices about who you spend time with

• Has different boundaries - not even necessarily because you want to, but because this journey requires them, so you wind up realising you have to

• Feels differently about how you spend your time

• Feels more authentically you

• Realises there’s a lot of things you thought you enjoyed (even people) that perhaps you really didn’t after all

• Also feels like there are some things you’ve left behind that you’ll never get back (lost time, energy, opportunities, that Prince concert that you cannot recall a single memory of).

There’s often grief in that, understandably, but there’s also freedom.

To be clear, this isn't about becoming some "perfect" version of you, quite the opposite. It’s about becoming the you version of you by actually accepting the imperfections, perhaps for the first time.

It's about integrating what you're learning about yourself into an actual, livable identity where you are more you, not less. And you’re proud of yourself, goddammit.

An identity shift happens when:

• You repeatedly choose differently

• You practice new ways of being over and over to create a new ‘normal’

• You start to see evidence that you're actually capable

• You start to believe a different story about who you are

• You grieve what needs to be grieved

• You integrate the new understanding of yourself

AN ENORMOUS PORTAL TO GROWTH

I always say removing alcohol is a huge portal to growth because you start to understand yourself, you start to like yourself, you start to own your ‘stuff’.

After a while you also realise that if you can do this thing that you honestly thought was impossible for you … what else might you be able to do?

That version of you is available to you now, not some day in the future.

It’s also why community is so important. When you're surrounded by people who are all experiencing similar things, it becomes more normal and possible. And you feel less alone in the process of becoming.

So you're not just someone who drinks less or not at all. You're someone who understands yourself differently. You’re someone who moves in the world differently. And you’re excited about what this means for you and your life.

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